


Liar Liar

by LogLady (OodLaLa)



Series: Genius Billionaire Retiree [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bullying, College Student Harley Keener, College Student Peter, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Flash doesn't know when to shut up, Gen, Harley loves his dumbass brother, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Harley Keener, Protective Tony Stark, Team as Family, Tony Stark is Good With Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 08:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19058878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OodLaLa/pseuds/LogLady
Summary: Harley’s lab partner at MIT has a lot to say about Peter Parker and if he doesn’t shut his trap Harley might just have to kill him.In which Harley tutors Eugene Thompson in how not to be a little $#!%.Set in my Irondad Endgame Fix-It Verse, although Tony doesn’t show up until part two. Works as a stand-alone It is not necessary to read the other installments.





	1. Shut the Hell Your Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in my Endgame Fix-It ‘verse “Genius Billionaire Retiree”. It’s still in the early stages of development so here are some quick details to clear up any confusion.
> 
> • Harley survived the Snappening and spent the five years between IW and Endgame living with his relatives in upstate New York where he reconnected with Tony.  
> • Tony survived Endgame and is now enjoying the good life watching his kids grow up  
> • The primary storyline for this verse takes places 3 years post Endgame. Peter is 18. Harley is 23 (Assuming he was 10 in IM3 and that he was not dusted).  
> • Harley is attending MIT, Peter is at NYU, unwilling to leave NYC after Spidey having been missing for five+ years
> 
> Hit me up with any other questions you may have. I am slowly piecing this verse together but if I don't post stuff shortly after writing it I never get around to it.  
> Unbeta'd but proof-read a few times. I always miss something...

Generally speaking, Harley was fine with Pete’s decision to pass on MIT and go to college in New York. He was Spider-Man, he had a duty, blah blah blah. He got it. They weren’t joined at the hip, it’s whatever. But that didn’t stop him from wishing he could trade every semi-competent student on campus for the one peer who could keep up with both his brilliance and his sass.  
He was seriously doubting his will to live today, working on a robotics project with Eugene “Call me Gene” Thompson. Gene was an okay guy: blandly handsome, a little arrogant, but smart. Then again everyone at MIT is smart so that wasn’t actually saying all that much. He was also a kiss-ass. Harley instantly hated him.

  
They’d been assigned to build a robotic arm; remotely operated, no AI, real baby stuff (for him and Peter anyway). The assignment’s trick, if you could call it that, was for the robot to have a strong grip but a delicate touch. It was basically Dum-E but with max Dex . and 0 Int. Harley could have built it with one arm tied behind his back, and for all of Gene’s “help” he may as well have.  
By now they had reached the testing stage, which is how Harley ended up in an empty workshop on a Friday night with the same guy who had taken one look at his one of a kind Stark phone and only half-jokingly asked if he ever gave his friends one of those too. Harley had Armond picking up paper, and eggs, and other delicate materials. Could it move quickly without dropping whatever it was holding? Did it damage the object? That sort of thing. Of course, it worked like a dream; it was Keener original, but they had to log lab hours, so he was just dicking around while Gene talked to hear his own voice.

  
“The rumor is you know Tony Stark.” No duh. For being a “secret” that was the second thing everyone on campus asked him after his name.

  
“Uh-huh,” Harley confirmed, maneuvering the claw of the arm to balance a pencil on its eraser.

  
“So, you were an intern for him before coming here.”

  
“Not exactly.” He hedged, cursing as the pencil toppled for the third time.

  
“What does that mean?”

“Tony doesn’t do internships, SI has interns, but I never worked there. I just know the guy.”

Gene laughed bitterly “Hah! I knew it. I knew Tony Stark didn’t have interns, much less a high schooler.”

The pencil clattered to the floor and Harley bent to pick it up. “What do you mean?”

“Back in high school, there was this guy who was always bragging about being Tony Stark’s personal intern. He was a real piece of work. Awkward, you know? Everyone knew he was lying but he maintained his story. He’d miss classes, field trips, decathlon practice, whatever. And whenever he ditched, he said it was ‘intern stuff for Mr. Stark’. No body bought it.”

“Huh.” Harley hummed non-committally. He wondered if anyone at NYU had mistaken Peter’s relationship with Tony for an internship and was climbing him like the rungs of the social ladder.

“He was always making a big deal out of his past for pity. He couldn’t make any friends, so he was always making everyone feel bad for him because he was an orphan. Always bringing up how he never knew his parents, and how he was raised by his aunt and uncle. Then one day his uncle got shot and he played up that forever.” Gene shook his head in disapproval “He was always using his sob story to get stuff like scholarships and his spot on the decathlon team. And what he didn’t get, he lied about. Like the SI internship. Pathetic.”

Suddenly Harley was paying attention. Something gnawed deep in Harley’s gut and he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Where’d you go to school?”

“Midtown School of Science and Technology in New York.” Gene replied, smugly.

“Really? I think my brother went there.”

“You think your brother went there?”

“Not by blood, we didn’t meet until a few years ago. That classmate of yours sounds like a real bitch.” Harley had abandoned the pencil trick and instead tried to get the robot to pinch the edge of Gene’s meticulously manicured nail on the hand that rested on the table. He needed Gene to keep talking to be sure he was talking about who Harley thought he was. Oblivious, Gene smirked as the robot delicately grabbed hold and didn’t let go.

“Like a step-brother? You should ask him if he heard about it. Seriously, everybody knew this guy. He was so cringey, his name is Peter Parker.”

Ah HA! Harley flicked his thumb over the joystick on the controls. Gene howled as the little robot ripped half the nail off, straight down to the nail bed.

“Son of a bitch!” He cursed and shook his hand forcefully.

“Whoa! My bad, my finger slipped!” Harley didn’t sound the least bit genuine.

Gene looked like he was about to spit venom, but at the last second remembered why he was schmoozing him before.

“It’s fine. I’m good.” He stuck his thumb in his mouth to stop the bleeding.

Harley pretended to reach for his backpack to hide his smirk.

* * *

  
It was about a week later that Eugene caught sight of Harley sitting by himself in the commons with his laptop on his lap. It seemed like as good an opportunity as any to make some headway on his mission to befriend the kid Tony Stark had sponsored. With luck, he would be able to get Harley to put in a good word for him at SI by Christmas. Coming up behind the other boy, he saw that he was video chatting with someone. He hoped it was Tony Stark.

  
“Hey, Harley, who are you talking to?” He laid a possessive hand on the other boy’s shoulder. A tinny and incredulous voice rang out from the speakers.

“FLASH!?!?”

“PENIS???”

Eugene’s eyes locked with those of Penis Parker through the screen of Harley’s laptop. Gaping at him like a fish.

“Who’s Flash? This is the project partner I was telling you about, Gene.” Harley turned in his seat to more easily see them both and smirked. “Did you just call my brother Penis?”

Eugene blinked and struggled to find something to say. Shit! What could he say? What the fuck just happened?

Harley’s voice interrupted Eugene’s panicked self-monologue. “You alright there, Eugene?”

The other boy’s face flushed. Whether it was with anger or embarrassment, Harley couldn’t tell.

“How do you know Pen-Parker?”

“Through Tony. We both used to work in his lab. After a few years he introduced us, basically adopted us. Not literally, of course, but-“ He shrugged. That was definitely the Reader’s Digest version of the tale but true. Plus or minus a few apocalyptic catastrophes.

“You said Tony Stark didn’t have any interns.”

“He doesn’t. I don’t think Pete or I ever got any kind of academic credit for fucking around in Tony’s lab.”

“Hey, uhhh, Harls? Should I go?” the tinny voice of Peter asked.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” Eugene demanded.

Harley’s mouth formed an ‘O’ “You were talking about, _this_ Peter Parker?” The Tennessee accent made him sound so much more sincere than he was, and he used it to his advantage.

“I thought you must have been talking about some other Peter Parker. Because the Peter Parker I know is brilliant. One of the only people, besides me, who can talk to Tony Stark on his level. My Peter Parker can’t lie for shit and is honest to a fault. He bends over backwards to be friendly with everyone.” His blue eyes glanced to the screen to check on Peter. He was still there, looking down and silently picking at the skin around his fingers. His shoulders were still tense so he was probably still listening. Out of the mask he was so easy to embarrass.

Harley balanced his laptop on one arm and stood to leave. Eugene was still standing behind the chair looking like someone had ripped the rug out from under him. He only managed a few steps before Eugene grabbed his arm face looking thunderous.

“You ripped my nail off on purpose!” he accused.

“You ripped his nails off!?” Peter exclaimed.

Harley yanked his arm back “Whoa! That was an accident!” He lied. “I didn’t even know which Peter you were talking shit about.”

He snapped his laptop shut pulled Eugene forward by his shirt. When he spoke his voice was low and his drawl thick.

“If I’da known you were trash talkin’ my brother I woulda knocked your lights out. Don’tchu _ever_ say shit about Peter Parker ‘gain. Got it?”

Eugene nodded frantically and Harley relaxed his grip and walked away. “It’s been a real swell workin’ with ya but fuck off.”

***

Harley had just dropped his stuff in his dorm when his phone buzzed in his pocket, he didn’t have to look to know who was calling.

“Is that really the guy who gave you swirlies?” He said by way of greeting.

“No one actually gives people swirlies, Harls.” Harley didn’t bother to reply, Peter didn’t need to see the eye roll to know it was there.

“Sounds like something someone who got swirlied would say.”

“Thanks for sticking up for me.” Harley barely heard the half-whisper over the noise of him emptying his backpack but it was enough to make him pause and tighten his grip on the phone.

“I always will.”

“ ’Cause we’re connected?” Peter teased.

“No.” he said sternly “‘Cause you’re my brother. ‘Cause Tony spent five years hypin’ you up and instead of being pushed to the side when you came back I got a best friend. ‘Cause you and Tony give and give, and people still demand more. He’s _lucky_ all I did was rip off his nail.”

“Shit you really did that? That’s fucked up, dude. Did Nat teach you that?”

“Oh, don’t be a baby, Parker. It’s not gonna kill ‘im. Just stings like a sonuvabitch. And I bet you every time he looks at it, he’s gonna remember to keep his trap shut.”

Peter laughed loudly in his ear. “You don’t know Flash, then. He one hundred percent does not know when to quit.”

“Oh really? Sounds a lot like you then.”

“Hey! I take offense to that. Flash and I are nothing alike.”

Harley smiled. “No, y’aint.”

“Well, I was just calling to make sure you didn’t kill him and to say thanks for sticking up for me and all. Are you driving over this weekend? Tony says Nebula is going to be there and I know you missed her the last time she dropped by and-“

Harley interrupted the tirade before Peter could fall into a full rant. “I’ll be there.”

“Alright. Cool. Yeah- uh great! I guess I’ll let you go. Thanks again and don’t go maiming anyone else to defend my honor ok?”

Harley grinned a wicked smile “No promises.” and hung up.


	2. Bonus Bit: At the Lake House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony checks in on the "shoots first and ask questions later" son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the leftover family fluff I didn't feel comfortable cramming in the first part. Tony loves his kids. And he loves when his kids protect each other (even when he should probably be telling them off).

Harley was driving through bum-fucked I-90 when his phone rang.

“Hey, Tennessee.”

“Hey, old man.

" ’m still about an hour out.” In the background of the call he heard Morgan chanting “Neb! Neb! Neb!” and the slam of the screen door.

“Yeah I figured. Pete just got here and we’re still waiting on you and Rhodey.” Again the background was interrupted this time with a crashing sound and Happy cursing up a blue-streak.

“WHOA! LITTLE EARS, HAP! Peter tells me you threatened to denail your lab partner with a robot. I figured I should ask now before you get here so I don’t have a responsible reaction by asking about it in front of Pepper.”

“To be clear I didn’t threaten to denail my lab partner. I did rip off his nail but it was an accident… Kind of.”

“Kid, I know that rules have always been a vague concept to you but you can’t go arou-“

“He was getting’ real nasty ‘bout Peter and I have zero regrets.”

“Spider-Man is controversial, especially for not coming back right after the Return. People talk.” Peter had needed time to get adapt to missing five years of his life, just like everyone else, but people had expected more from their hero. He was presumed dead, a secondary casualty of the Snap, like so many others. His late return had proved more controversial than expected, especially with the Daily Bugle stirring the pot.

“Not Spider-Man. Peter.” He could almost hear his mentor’s breath catch. “They went to high school together. Eugene Thompson, Peter called him Flash.”

“Flash Thompson?” Tony said incredulously.

“You’re telling me Flash Thompson got into MIT? That little shit.”

“You knew about him?”

“Ehh sort of.” Tony said vaguely “We got an “anonymous” tip that someone was impersonating a Stark Industries intern at Midtown High. F.R.I.D.A.Y. flagged it and forwarded it to me. I tracked it to make sure whoever it was hadn’t discovered what the internship was a cover for. Found some shithead fifteen-year-old who had at it out for Underoos. I could never get him to talk about it though. It was always ‘I’m fine Mr. Stark, I’m a lot tougher than I look.” His impression of Peter was nasally, whiny and not at all accurate.

“He can probably hear you.”

“Good. Serves him right for making me put up with his martyr syndrome.” In the distance, Peter shouted. “Rude!” presumably to the both of them despite being down at the dock.

“I didn’t do any permanent damage. I didn’t even rip the whole thing off I just made sure it would hurt long enough to make him think twice.”

“This is where I tell you that what you did was irresponsible and cruel. Don’t resort to violence. Use your words. Blah blah blah. Pretend I said all that. That kid was an ass. He once locked Peter in a locker. The poor kid had to wait till after dark to bust out of there and get Ted to delete the footage of a locker door getting kicked across the hallway. Flash should be grateful Iron Man doesn’t come after kids. But if he’s also a shitty adult well suddenly that’s not my problem.”

Peter must have gotten sick of being talked about like he wasn’t right there (if you can call nearly a hundred yards away right there). “Can you please stop embarrassing me, Mr. Stark?”

There was a scuffle over the phone. Peter was probably trying half-heartedly to wrestle it out of Tony’s hand. “No can do, Underoo, it’s my job.” 

"Stop distracting him while he’s driving. You’re supposed to be telling him not to get in trouble at school.”

“I would like to point out that I am _not_ in trouble at school, Parker, and you’re a dirty tattle-tail.”

Peter scoffed “Takes one to know one. We’re hanging up now.” The call ended.

When Harley arrived an hour later, the afternoon sun had turned the walls of the lake house gold. The breeze was warm and tousled his curls across his forehead. Morgan barreled into him demanding hugs and a piggy-back ride since she’d run out the house without shoes in her haste. He waved at Nebula, tucked into the overstuffed armchair, on his way in. Tony greeted him with a high-five and a wink.

Zero Regrets.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's another one from this verse. I'm not sure if anyone really wants more of this sort of Nobody Dies/Everyone lives kind of thing. If you have ideas of what you want to see let me know in the comments and I will see if I can make it work with my plan.
> 
> Comments/Kudo are always appreciated 🙏


End file.
